Woody Vanilla Face!

86 notes

Y’know how when you’re eating a Hot Pocket
And you’ve waited the recommended time to let it cool down
and you’re just destroying it because it tastes amazing and you were starving
and it doesn’t even feel all that hot in your mouth
but you get about halfway through
and some of it leaks out of the back and onto your hand and feels like lava
so you throw the fucker and accidentally hit your grandma in face with it
And that causes her to miraculously jump out of her wheelchair yelling “HOTHOTHOTHOT” 
which causes the hot pocket to land on her cat and terrifies him to the point of trying to run between your mom’s legs
and she trips and grabs a frying pan of sizzling grease and flips it and grease goes flying onto your dad’s crotch
and then they divorce because your mom burnt the D and can’t get it no more
And now you’re stuck with a step dad named Big Dick Bubba
And your dad is single forever because of his erectile disfunction
And now you’re in a broken family all because of Hot Pockets

Y’know how when you’re eating a Hot Pocket

And you’ve waited the recommended time to let it cool down

and you’re just destroying it because it tastes amazing and you were starving

and it doesn’t even feel all that hot in your mouth

but you get about halfway through

and some of it leaks out of the back and onto your hand and feels like lava

so you throw the fucker and accidentally hit your grandma in face with it

And that causes her to miraculously jump out of her wheelchair yelling “HOTHOTHOTHOT” 

which causes the hot pocket to land on her cat and terrifies him to the point of trying to run between your mom’s legs

and she trips and grabs a frying pan of sizzling grease and flips it and grease goes flying onto your dad’s crotch

and then they divorce because your mom burnt the D and can’t get it no more

And now you’re stuck with a step dad named Big Dick Bubba

And your dad is single forever because of his erectile disfunction

And now you’re in a broken family all because of Hot Pockets

Filed under hot pockets burn ouch broken family divorce grandma grease

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    please stop reblogging this thing I MADE IT LIKE 6 MONTHS AGO AND IT’S STILL THE ONLY DAMN THING ON MY BLOG THAT GETS...
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    Never eating a hot pocket again…
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